Celebrities are human, and like most humans, they’re always dating, getting engaged, married and divorced, but because they’re famous, we seem to care more about their relationships than ours and that’s why this article exists. Christian Slater recently got engaged to some girl who no one really cares about and although we loved Christian back in the day, lately he’s only appeared on really bad TV shows, so instead of dwelling on him, we’d rather concentrate on people whose engagements would really get us going:

Paris Hilton

For some reason, multiple people throughout the years have mentioned Paris’ Valtrex prescription, so that plus everything else we already know about her pretty much confirms she’s been on the dating scene for way too long. Since she’s not really famous anymore, why wouldn’t she finally want to settle down with her current boy-toy and finally upstage Kim Kardashian for once?

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George Clooney

The most distinguished man in Hollywood has been famously single for decades. After a starter marriage left him disillusioned to the concept of a marital union, it seems as if ex-wrestler and current nobody-knows-what-she-does, Stacey Keibler, may have permanently stuck her manicured claws into everyone’s favorite leading man. And even though we love living vicariously through George, he’s getting up there in age and the dapper, older actor bit tends to turn sour and pathetic like Jack Nicholson at the Oscars this year.

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Leonardo DiCaprio

The only reason we’d like to see Leo get engaged and settle down is so he stops making every man in the world jealous with his constant consumption of the world’s best looking models. Honestly, it’s enough already. How different can they all be? Just choose one and end it already!

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Tom Cruise

The only thing better than Tom jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch in engagement excitement is the article that follows years later about how said excitement was fake because he actually interviews women before settling on a candidate to marry. No one would complain about another Vanity Fair article exposing the freakish behavior of Tom – a man who believes humans are the descendents of aliens.

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Photo Credits: Startraks